My cousin is a Pathological Narcissistic Liar.... and I'm going to live with her in college.
She was raised by a Pathological Narcissistic Liar Mother, but was always treated badly. Now she seems to have forgotten how her mother treated her, and thinks she's great (her mother manipulated her, that's why).
My question is, is there ANY WAY I can convincer her of her and her mothers problems? Is there any way I can fix her? I lover her and really want her to be truly confident in herself and trusting of others. The only way though, is for her to realize that not everyone liar, therefore she shouldn't lie. But just telling her isn't going to work.
Please give me some expert advice on this! Thanks!
You can't 'fix' anybody; additionally though not important, it should read, "Narcissistic Pathological Liar" as Narcissistic Liar doesn't make sense.
If she's narcissistic, she's already in love with herself, doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of her. As for the lying, I doubt there's anything you can do other than NOT put up with it because if you do, you're enabling her to continue doing it.
I also think a therapist is in a better position to make a diagnosis. Not fully understanding someone's issues puts you at a disadvantage when trying to help them.
your a fool to live w/ such!
First you must learn that you can never change a person. Accept it.
When you get the answer please e-mail it to me because my daughter father is the same way, and i now see signs that she is going to be on too!!
not possible she'll just lie and say she's better when you try to fix her
Is she lying to you now???, I mean if you pass judgement with out proof other than your family spoon feeding you the info...than that's just wrong.........
You cannot fix her, save yourself the trouble and don't live with her. She needs help from a professional, but it will only work if she feels she needs it and seeks it for herself. It's good you love her and care, but trust me, she already knows that lying is wrong. She just chooses to do it anyway.
i would just call her out on all her bullshit. but like as soon as it happens like training a dog
You need to NOT live with her. The sheer toxicity of the situation will interfere with your own growth - better to hit up craigslist or the campus referral services and find a better living situation. Her lies will probably get you in trouble in some way, whether it is immediate or down the road, and you don't need that, especially as a new college student.
Good luck - I hope it works out for you!
Yeah, there really is no way to 'fix' someone like this. She likely has a personality and/or character disorder. A therapist may be able to help somewhat, but only if she's willing to admit there is a problem and is willing to explore ways to change. If I were you I would not spend too much time with this person (cousin or not). She is trouble. Find another place to live if at all possinarcissistic pathological liarble. You may regret it otherwise.
"Leave her alone to take her own punishment."
"Soon, her lies may include you."
"At a place like a university, malice can cause more than just
personal injury, or defamation of character."
"Me, whatever university I enroll into, I won't ever spend one
night on campus living in a student body dormitory."
"I will be living off campus, even while competing in collegiate
athletic programs."
You can help her by letting her see how honest you are. You could point out a lie if you catch her, but if you tell her she is a pathological narcissistic liar, she might think you need help. Just live by your own set of rules and maybe she will catch on. You must care for alot, so I wish ya good luck.
There is NO change unless the person themselves WANTS change. You are putting yourself in a very BAD position for LIFE if you think you can do anything to alter her (or anyone else's!!!!) behavior. Please, please remember that. Take care.
No, personality disorders, including narcissistic personality disorder aren't 'fixable'.
According to narcissists, they're the greatest thing walking the earth and it's everyone else who's at fault.
I've lived with one and it almost destroyed me.
Lying has worked for her all this time. She has no motivation to change. Also, she is comfortable doing it, and her automatic response now is to lie.
How are you going to change this ingrained habit? Comments you or a pastor or anyone could make will fall on deaf ears, she won't understand you at all. It will be like you are speaking a foreign language--emotionally, at least. She can't relate to being honest. She is so old now. You could try saying, How could you do this to me? when she does or says something false. That might spark some guilt, but maybe not. It's a tack that my psychiatrist boss did with his sociopathic patients, he would get them to like him, and then when they did something like lie, he would look injured and say, How could you do this to me? He wouldn't get angry, just look injured and disappointed. Try that a lot.
But......Are you SURE you have to live with her? And trying to study for classes, too? Better have a backup plan for the second semester going into this, because you are going to be personally sorry you got into this situation with your cousin, I guarantee. Changing her, if she wants to change, will take years and years, can't be done in these college years. It will probably affect your grades negatively, also. And don't bring anything valuable with you, if she lies, she also may have learned that it pays to steal, too.
SLAP THE AV儿劣**!
This is a very complex problem and one you will not be able to fix. It sounds like something called pseudogica Fantastica. I see it a lot in abuse cases. They tend to lie, live in a fantasy world and exaggerate to the Nth degree. They do not seem to have an narcissistic pathological liarawareness of the lie as the exist on the surface. When pressed however they will eventually see it...Its an automatic response that they seem to reherse so much in there own mind that it becomes the truth to them.
The weird thing is, at least for me is its hard to confront because we are conditioned not to basically call people liars; but the only thing i would suggest is let them know this is a problem and that she should seek help.
Living with such a person is a bad idea.
YOU can't fix her.
You CAN fix your living situation.
Manage what you can control.
Unfortunatly, personality disorders are the hardest to cure maybe even impossible. Im not sure but it sounds to me that she might have Narcissistic personality disorder. It is hard to prove that they are in the wrong b/c they feel that they are better than everyone else. This kind of people shoould be stayed away from. Keep your eyes wide open. try to convice her to see a psychologist.
A Pathological anything has little to no control over his or her condition, and can not be "cured" until (s)he WANTS to be "cured."
As for the Narcissisic issue...until you can puncture her bubble, and you likely never will, the world revolves around her and her needs. Everything else, if she decides to acknowledge it, depends on how it affects her and what she needs. As soon as her needs change, her attention to that issue will wane.
The only way you will have any direct impact on her is if you come flat out and tell her that you love her, and that since you are family, you will be there when it is appropriate, but that she has long since proven that you can not *trust* her or her word, and that until she proves to you that she is trustworthy, you will be taking no chances.
Keep everything of value where she will have no access to it. Leave things you're not using locked away in a secure locker. If you don't have one, obtain a cellular telephone that can be locked and will be difficult to loose. Keep it locked when you are not making a call. Tell EVERYONE to call you on that number if they need to reach you.
Incidentally...if you have to use a laptop...SECURE it (with a cable lock) when you have to leave it in the room - after all, dorms are NOT that secure to start with... Have *all* accounts on the laptop password protected, and do NOT allow her to know any of them. The same is true of PINs, banking info, etc. Finally, do NOT use wireless connections - use wired only. Even if your cousin is not tech-savvy, there are about 85 out of every 100 jokers in a University/College environment who are, and will hack your laptop via wireless just for fun, profit, or malice.
Good Luck!
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